Simply, I would be a businesswoman. A proud Black businesswoman.
My dad had called me to his room for reasons I don’t remember and bluntly asked me what I want to be when I grow up.
Eagerly I stated I want to have a “coffee shop, bookstore, and flower shop combined”.
My dad looked out at me with a disappointed look in his eye and shouted “Do you want to be broke!?”
"No", I answered shocked
“You think you can afford anything with that type of job? I don’t know what to tell ya but you better find something else. You can be a doctor, law, engineer, or something like that...”
Defeated, I walked back to my room and quickly shoved down the unsustainable dream I had at the age of nine. I quickly had to look for another career that could sustain me financially and my dad would approve. It benefitted him to know what my interests were career-wise so he knew what he was putting his money into since we don't have a lot of money. Looking around, I found the medical journey of my step-sister interesting and decided to put my life there. College was a must (as always), medical school was after, and OB-GYN was the field I was to practice. I had these all figured out by ten.
Medicine is a large field and a field many approve of so it would be easy to find opportunities that would polish my application through my middle school and high school years. One thing about me is once I am interested in something I will commit to it and find different aspects of that field or topic that suit me, and I did with the field of medicine.
As I grew older and my body started to develop, I became increasingly interested in the female reproductive system, sexology, the LGQBTQ+ community, and so much more. It was never-ending and I had found my community of interest.
Up until the Coronavirus hit I have never given thought to my nine-year-old dreams (I am 17 now). It first felt like a little pinch and little reminder that I thought was cute and quickly pushed aside. However, as I started the college process and sort out the stepping stones for my career, that early dream really started to sit on me.
I started to feel uncomfortable. I started to think, “Is medicine what I really want to do?” I mean I could really start a coffee shop, bookstore, flower shop combined business that could possibly work. I could have my own work hours, and if I could not be saving the lives of Black women, I could be educating them with my bookstore and give them nice service through my flower and coffee shop part of my store.
However, is that something I really want to do?
I want to be on the floor, with dozens of rooms full of patients, where I am writing reports and giving diagnostics. Wrapping my sweater around me, protecting me from the cold climate of the hospital.
Sometimes I wish, I hadn’t listened to what everyone could see me doing and listened to what I truly wanted to do.
I don’t like being in a tug of war with my thoughts. Having my own business seems doable to me now that I am older but medicine is where I set my heart in. I don’t want to have regrets if I am to have a business and really wished I had gone to med school. However, I don’t want to go to med school and realize this is not the job for me and wish I had started with my business instead.
Giving my mind some clear space to think I now genuinely want to do both, however, they are such separate and time-consuming careers. But then comes the benefit of college and having the opportunity to try things. I really want to go into medicine and stick to my mission to contribute to lowering the mortality rate of Black women because that is something I can't do in a store, truth be told. In college, I can take every opportunity there is to see what medicine is really like and if it ignites me I will stick with it. However, if I find myself in complete disagreement with the field and business has a light shining through their tunnel, I will journey there. My mission would just tweak to educate and of course give more to Black women ( and the Black community).
If medicine turns out to not be my thing that is okay because I have a backup.
However, but because I am so deeply engaged in medicine I will stick with it and journey on the path of becoming a doctor, and maybe work at a little shop when the time comes to retire (which I don't think I will, I love to work).
I just wish parents didn’t heavily influence their kids' careers (in a negative way) because the kid may stick with it and regret it in the end. Not to say parents' guidance isn’t wanted because sometimes it is certainly needed; however, parents should their kids' dream a little even if they are poor.
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